Pulling rank to prove a point always seems a bit unfair.

Conversations that include phrases like "When I was young, I had to-" or "To really appreciate what it means to¿," then trailing off to some long-ago event — seems like an underhanded way to win an argument.

But having reached that age when more life experiences are behind rather than ahead of me, I find many of my arguments are based on events that predate the birth of the person with whom I am talking, particularly at work, where few people have more gray hairs than I do.

I was recently discussing the pros and cons of marriage with several of my younger co-workers, most of whom, at this point in their lives, view marriage as either an archaic institution or with suspicion. One person's comment prompted me to "pull rank."

According to this male aged 30-something, the best way to get to know a person before marriage was taking a weeklong trip together, something he was planning to do with his fiancee.

Excuse me! I thought.

I've been living with the same man for more than three decades and we've taken countless vacations together, but I wouldn't pretend to understand what goes on inside that lovely gray head of his.

A week together may offer additional insight into the habits and behaviors of an individual — like how often they change their socks — but it doesn't prepare you for what lies ahead in a marriage.

Take, for instance, my husband. I knew when I married him that he had an insatiable appetite for fancy cars, and I had no objection to being sported about in a sexy yellow Porsche. Little did I know, though, that his interest (and our combined pocketbooks) would cause us to shift from driving sports cars to more mundane used cars. The average age of our current fleet — we always own an extra car, because when you drive old cars, you need a spare — is 14 years.

And then there is the matter of clothes. A week's vacation early in our relationship gave me no clue that a man who was quite fashionable in his early 20s would take to wearing bib overalls in his middle age. (Is 50s middle-aged?)

A weeklong vacation offers no insight into a spouse's character when the children are sick and you take turns caring for them at night. Or the job market turns sour, and you scramble to make ends meet. Or serious health problems derail your dreams, and you work to rebuild a future quite different from what you had imagined.

I don't consider myself an authority on marriage, but I do know from years of experience that the giddy days of romance that mark the beginning of a relationship offer little hint as to the direction, or the depth, a relationship can go.

Marriage is a commitment, sticking it out through the good and the bad, and how each will do only becomes evident over time, not from a spending a vacation together.

Linda K. Schmitmeyer is a freelance writer living in Middlesex Township. Her e-mail address is lks260@zoominternet.net.