Years ago, Cheryl Shuler made the choice of using a sperm bank to conceive her son Gavin. Now 15, he had always been the only child of a single mother, and that was simply a fact of life.

All that changed forever four years ago, when Shuler opened an e-mail from a California woman whose only connection was that she conceived a child through the same donor at a California sperm bank.

The woman located Shuler, of Butler, through the Donor Siblings Registry, a website dedicated to helping people who were conceived through donor insemination connect with their biological siblings. Sperm donors who are willing to be contacted may also register on the site.

As contacts were made through the registry, eventually three women, along with their children, ended up meeting "Donor 2053," Dr. Todd Whitehurst of New York, who also has two children from his previous marriage.

When members of the group were first featured in a Butler Eagle article in 2007, they were tentative about the new and unusual relationships. Since then, life has changed dramatically, especially for Shuler, who since has appeared on the "Oprah Winfrey Show" and written a book about the twists and turns of the past few years.

Her book, "Sperm Donor = Dad: A Single Woman's Story of Creating a Family with an Unknown Donor," was released in March. The book tells her story with humor and candor. Her account is intensely personal, a window into not only the hopes, but also the fears and frustrations of a single woman who is longing for a child and considering her options.

The next chapter

"I felt that, if I was going to (write the book), I had to do it openly and honestly," Shuler said. "From the whole time that I first got pregnant, I was very open about it. That's the way I am, and I wanted to get that across in the book."

"I really wrote this for other women, to give them an idea of what to expect from the process."

Shuler said she feels it is important for a woman who is considering donor insemination to have a perspective "that is not clinical, but written from personal experience."

The book is self-published, and Shuler said she has received a positive response so far. The book is available online through several websites, including Amazon.com, and through the publishing company Outskirts Press.

On a personal level, Shuler said relationships have evolved into those much like any other extended family.

"We've pretty much settled in," she said. "It's not like we're in this fairy tale, and it's all rainbows. We have our arguments. The kids don't get along sometimes and hurt each other's feelings. We're just like any other family situation. We're not any different just because of the way we met."

She also was quick to explain the family is much richer for the experience in the long run.

"It's the best of both worlds," she said of the relationship between Gavin and his siblings. "They don't have to be together all the time, but he knows he has siblings out there."

Shuler said before Gavin met his siblings, his friends would often talk about their own brothers and sisters, and Gavin "had no way to relate" to their experiences. "Now he can jump in, because he has something to add. He knows what it's like," she said.

Gavin said conversations with his friends usually center around the typical teenage topics like movies and video games rather than his family's unusual beginnings.

Gavin also has developed a close relationship with Whitehurst, who formerly lived in California and has recently moved to New York.

"We saw each other in June, and I'm leaving on Friday to spend another week with him," Gavin said. "He's easy to get along with," he added of the once-anonymous donor he now calls "my dad."

"I think he is definitely the exception to the rule," Shuler said of Whitehurst's willingness to be involved on a personal level with the children who were conceived through the sperm bank.

"I'm not real sure what motivates him, but I'm glad for it. He and Gavin have a great relationship. He loves Gavin, and he doesn't treat him any differently than the children he had when he was married."

According to Wendy Kramer, co-founder of the Donor Siblings Registry, based in Nederland, Colo., families like the Shulers are becoming more common. She said Shuler's story is "one of thousands."

"So far, we've had 7,500 people match up with one another," Kramer said. "It's incredible that not a day goes by that somebody doesn't match — and usually two or three people."

Kramer and her son Ryan, now 20, started the registry almost 10 years ago when he was looking for information about the donor who was his biological father. Today, the site has nearly 30,000 members, and that number keeps growing.

"When we started, we were told 'Oh, you'll never see a donor on this site because they're anonymous.' We were really surprised when donors started coming to the site," Kramer said.

She said the donors who register with the site can remain anonymous or be as open as they like.

"If they're coming to the DSR, they are open to something," she said, explaining the website serves as a vehicle to facilitate "mutual consent contact."

She said the level of involvement varies for everyone once they have found a biological family member.

"For some people, it may be a Christmas card and a photo," she said. "For others, they are hopping on an airplane the next day to meet each other."

Shuler said in the years since they have met, several more of Gavin's siblings have been discovered. She knows of about 10 donor-conceived children and strongly believes many more exist. Some of those families have made contact, while others have chosen not to. She said all circumstances are different.

"I like it when we get more involvement," she said, "but some people aren't comfortable with that, and I'm OK with it. I'm happy with our family."

Information about Cheryl Shuler's book is available at www.outskirtspress.com/spermdonorequalsdad. Information about the Donor Siblings Registry is available at www.donorsiblingregistry.com.