Joe Balaban, director of catering at Slippery Rock University, pours water into glasses at a perfectly set table at the SRU University Club on Monday.

Most of us know how turkey, yams and stuffing arrive at our Thanksgiving tables, but how many know the proper direction to pass them from plate to plate?

Counter-clockwise or left to right, advises Joe Balaban, director of catering at Slippery Rock University.

With a background in hospitality and training in “front of the house” etiquette, Balaban offers nine seminars each semester on campus, where students learn etiquette skills for the workplace.

But table etiquette also applies at holiday meals, where guests are sometimes unaware of practices and protocol.

For starters, Balaban suggests taking cues from the host or hostess.“When you respond to an invitation, you should respond in the manner in which it was sent to you,” he said, explaining an email RSVP, for instance, is an appropriate response to an e-vite.RSVPs should be timely, and in most cases it's not polite to ask to add a guest.Since mutual friends could be excluded from the event, Balaban suggests prudence when posting on social networking sites.“You don't need to broadcast it to the world,” he said.According to many veteran hostesses and guests, consideration is the foundation of manners in all cases.“To me (being a good) hostess or a guest is just to make your people feel comfortable,” said Marcia Segraves of Jefferson Township, a member of the Butler County Symphony Board and various other clubs and groups.Ida Findley, a fellow board member who has hosted and attended many events, agrees — noting the consideration begins with extending hospitality to those without family. It continues with accepting the invites graciously.“I'm very fortunate that my friends do share their families with me,” Findley said of her own Thanksgiving experience.“I always try to accept the first invite that I get so that I don't hurt anybody's feelings. I usually like to take a hostess gift with me.”According to Balaban, hostess gifts are nice, but not mandatory. When offering a gift, however, he cautions against hot or perishable foods meant for inclusion in the meal, since they might detract from or clash with an already-complete menu.

Just as guests RSVP in a manner established by the hosts, dinner guests should follow that lead while dining.The meal is initiated when hosts unfold their own dinner napkins, placing them in their laps. Guests should follow that lead and others, Balaban said. If a host leaves his sport coat on, for instance, guests should do the same.For those unsure of how to navigate the place settings, Balaban said any decorative non-food items on place settings should be moved to the left of the plate, where salad or appetizer and dinner forks reside. The same holds true for placing dinner napkins after the meal is over.Just north of the plate, guests might find another utensil for dessert. The handle points left toward the forks for ease in moving it into place.Unsure which goblets and mugs are yours and which belong to your neighbor?“Everything to the right of your plate belongs to you,” Balaban said.When decorative chargers are used to anchor table settings, they will be removed after appetizer, soup and salad courses.To observe proper etiquette while eating soup, Balaban said never to blow on the soup to cool it. Also, fill the spoon in an outward direction instead of ladeling toward yourself.To avoid accidents while spearing cherry tomatoes and other tricky salad items, it's OK to lift them with a fork instead of trying to pierce them with tines.Utensils can be discarded altogether when taking portions of bread.“Hands are OK with bread,” Balaban instructed, explaining table knives are not equipped with serrated edges and therefore unsuitable for cutting off portions of bread.Bread should be torn away in bite-sized pieces as it's eaten, and food likewise should be cut into pieces throughout the meal instead of all at once.Although bread lends itself to sopping up gravy or sauce from the plate, the practice is taboo.“As good as that sauce is, it's got to go back to the kitchen,” Balaban said.Dips should be spooned out of the serving dish instead of used directly out of the common bowl, and once taken, foods should not be shared with others.“It's not acceptable to pass it across the table and give it to your neighbor,” he added. “What's yours is yours.”While eating, Balaban also reminds it is not OK to let used silverware return to the tablecloth or table. Afterward, a fork angled on the right side of the plate with tines facing downward signals the diner has finished eating. Likewise, the knife can rest on the plate's left side with the blade facing toward its center.Taking a pass on the coffee? Turn your cup upside-down. The host will bypass you when pouring.

It's never polite to eat and run, but how long should you stay?At least a half hour to an hour after coffee and dessert, Balaban said. As for the maximum time of stay, playing it by ear, he added.“I just feel my way through it: You can tell when it starts to slow down,” Findley agreed.“When people have a hard time carrying on a conversation, then it's time to leave. Say thank you and get in your car and go home.”And don't insist on helping with cleanup, especially in a formal setting. You are the guest, after all — and your hosts might prefer to handle china and delicate glassware themselves.Although it's always nice to return the favor by inviting your hosts afterward, seasoned guests and hosts say reciprocating is not mandatory nor expected. But it never hurts to say thank you.“As far as etiquette is concerned, I'm all for thank you notes,” Findley said. “Even if you don't write a note, I think it's always nice to thank people.”