A few weeks ago, when we had my wife's parents over for a Sunday dinner, my father-in-law and I were discussing pro sports teams.

We are die-hard Pittsburgh fans and we were still trying to figure out how and when the Pirates will have a break out season, where the Penguins would end up and what in the world happened to our beloved Steelers.

The discussion was cut short when we were summoned to the kitchen to observe the antics of a fat gray squirrel.

We have about a dozen gray squirrels that reside around my wife's nature preserve, and, believe it or not, we have come to recognize many of them by sight.

This squirrel is affectionately named Man, That's One Fat Squirrel. He is perhaps the tamest and tolerates our presence without the wild scramble many of his companions perform when we are outside in the woodlot.

MTOFS has been growing out of his squirrel den the past year and has been gnawing on the entrances of other housing sites looking for a new one. The problem is the gnawing creates a funnel effect and you can get in better than you can get out.

One look out the window at a nearby den box told me the story of that poor squirrel. All we could see was his tail, and it was a nice fluffy one at that!

MTOFS had squeezed into the box and now was stuck beyond belief. The ladies were alarmed, but I assured them that squirrels were very acrobatic and could easily get themselves out of such a jam.

I decided to wait out the squirrel, allow him to save his personal dignity and work out his own escape like a Houdini.

We had coffee and dessert and chatted some more, and the squirrel was still stuck in the hole! About this time we retrieved the camera and I went out to survey the box a little closer.

As I approached it, I could hear the squirrel chattering away in frustration, anger and fear. The beautiful squirrel tail was lifting with each gust of wind, so I decided to test him.

After I reached over and gave the tail the slightest little tug, he really started to make a commotion. I then figured that maybe the tail was the problem and I pushed it into the box with him.

All that happened was that I saw one squirrel eye peek out of the box with a tail pressed over his head like an exotic hat. He was really stuck and would need some help to escape this predicament.

I came out with a hammer and decided the best course of action was to take the roof off the box and let him scramble up the tree to freedom.

The plan seemed fine — until I tried to work it. I forgot that I put the box together with wood screws.

A few hits with the hammer and the roof would be off, but I couldn't be sure where that squirrel would end up.

After two hammer strikes, the roof split. After the third, the gray squirrel burst out of the box and stared me face to face on the tree trunk.

At that moment, I changed the name of the squirrel to MTOPOS because he gave me the business for five minutes straight!

To avoid future squirrel confrontations, I decided to build a squirrel den box. Following are the dimensions for anyone else who wants to observe a happy fat squirrel on their property:

• The den box should measure 18 inches high in the back with a slope down in the front to about 14Z\x inches high. The sides should be 12 inches wide.

• Put a 3-inch round hole in the front of the box near the top. Rough or weathered wood is best, and do not paint or use chemical sealers on the box.

• If you use new wood, attach a piece of rough bark or screen to the front for climbing access.

• An inch or two of wood chips or dry sawdust can be added for nesting material.

• Place the box in a tree at 20 to 30 feet high.

Jay E. Hewitt is an outdoors columnist for the Butler Eagle.