As you read this, I am on vacation.

As I write this, I have no idea what shenanigans I’m going to get myself into during my time off.

I do have a list of fun and cool things to do when I get a much-needed timeout.

I rarely get to any of them on my list.

Here are some of the things I’d like to do ... and some of the things I end up doing instead.

•

Shark Diving in the Bahamas. There you are face-to-face with the Great White with nothing to protect you but a diving suit and a rebreather.

What I end up doing: Pringles diving in a nearly empty cardboard cylinder.•

Sandboarding in Baha, Mexico. It’s like snowboarding, only on sand and no threat of frostbite, just heat stroke.

What I end up doing: Making sandcastles at Presque Isle.•

Dog Sledding in Sweden. Mush! The snow. The scenery. Elin Nordegren the model.

What I end up doing: Dog walking in Butler. The grass. The pooper scooper. Taffy the canine.•

Baseball Park tour in and around the midwest. Make a road trip to hit as many games in as many ballparks as possible. A baseball lover’s dream.

What I end up doing: Make a trip to hit as many games in as many ballparks as possible ... on my PlayStation 3.•

BASE Jumping in Twin Falls, Idaho. Who wouldn’t want to jump off a cliff ... and not die (most of the time)?

What I end up doing: Come to my senses and realize jumping off a cliff is a bad idea unless you are Butch Cassidy or the Sundance Kid.•

Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, Spain. Feel the adrenaline rush as I run as fast as I can from wild, angry bulls determined to gore me to death.

What I end up doing: Feel the adrenaline rush as I run away from my laptop when I see how much a plane ticket to Spain will cost me.•

Whitewater Rafting in the Grand Canyon. The best way to see the Grand Canyon is from the bottom, not the top, racing down the Colorado River in a canoe.

What I end up doing: Taking a bubble bath in my tub (sans life vest).•

Play some of the most famous golf courses in the United States. Pebble Beach. Pinehurst. Whispering Pines. Augusta National. I’d just like to play on one of them once.

What I end up doing: Tearing up the grass in my back yard hitting plastic practice balls.•

Piranha Fishing in Manaus, Brazil. Casting a line to snag a little ol’ bass is so mundane. There are many animals in Brazil that want to eat you, why not catch one of them and eat them?

What I end up doing: Asking for jacks and then being told to “Go Fish.”•

Something exciting, daring and a little Milton Bradley-esque. There’s this pressure to make the most out of a vacation. While that is nice once in a while, sometimes all you want is ...

What I end up doing: Nothing ... and I like it.

Mike Kilroy is a staff writer for the Butler Eagle.