There are certain unbreakable laws of the universe:

Nothing can travel faster than the speed of light.

Gravity.

When you’re in a hurry, someone will always be driving slowly in front of you.

And the Pittsburgh Steelers and Pittsburgh Pirates cannot both be good at the same time.

It’s usually the Pirates who are a train wreck one month into the season. It’s usually the Buccos who have no chance to make the playoffs with 75 percent of the schedule remaining.

Not the Steelers.

What in the name of Cliff Stoudt and Calvin Sweeney is going on?

The Steelers are the train wreck now.

In fact, on the train-wreck scale, with 1 being an actual train wreck and 5 being anything with Miley Cyrus in it, the Steelers are a full-blown 10.

They can’t block. They can’t run. They can’t tackle. Other than that, they’re pretty good.

They’re just a bad NFL football team. Steelers’ QB Ben Roethlisberger said they are the worst team in the league. Record-wise he is correct, but they aren’t the absolute worst. Jacksonville and Tampa Bay have legitimate claims to that spot.

Fans around here haven’t seen anything like this in a long time.

My wife, a diehard Steelers fan, perhaps said it best shortly after the loss to the Vikings Sunday.

“Now I know how you feel,” she said, alluding to my following of the Buffalo Bills.

Then she said, “At least there’s the Pirates.”

Never thought I would hear that uttered in my lifetime.

But there it is.

The North Shore is going to be rocking tonight, but it won’t be because of the Steelers (or the Penguins).

It will be because of that other team that wears Black and Gold. Those 20-year losers. Those Forgettable 9.

The Pirates.

When the Bucs take on the Reds at PNC Park, it will be the first playoff baseball game in Pittsburgh since 1992.

PNC Park wasn’t even a dream then. It wouldn’t be open for another nine years.

Heinz Field wasn’t even conceived of yet, opening the same year.

Since those stadiums opened, most of the relevant action has taken place at the big ketchup bottle.

The Steelers have won two AFC titles in that stadium. They have also lost two, but, hey, who’s counting.

At least they had meaningful games on that field.

There have been precious few of those at PNC Park.

Until now.

It’s just a shame the sports gods won’t allow the Steelers and the Pirates to be good at the same time.

And, of course, the Penguins are good.

As the great philosopher Meat Loaf once said: “Two out of three ain’t bad.”

Mike Kilroy is a staff writer for the Butler Eagle.