I’ve turned into that guy.

We all know a that guy — a dude who grouses about everything.

Stuff like: baseball players’ pants are too baggy. Football players are making too much darn money. The only way to see Mixed Martial Arts when I was a kid was in a Bruce Lee movie, not on Pay Per View.

Yes, I have found myself railing on many topics these days. All I need to do now is pull my pants up a few inches higher, part my hair on the side and long for the days when there was no designated hitter or interleague play in baseball.

For now, I’ll complain about these things:

Instant replay in baseball is for losers and whiners.

If you think Major League Baseball games drag on now, wait until every single stinkin’ call is subject to instant replay review next season.

MLB has been chugging along just fine for more than a century without instant replay. It can survive without it.

Are there bad calls? Sure. But there have been blown calls since the first mush ball was hit with a stick.

It’s part of the game.

If you are going to have replay permeate the game to such a degree, just go all the way and jettison all of the umpires. Every last one of them.

Just have a guy in a booth call balls and strikes based on pitch tracking technology. Have every play at first, every tag at second, every ball hit down the lines called by the same geek hitting a replay button in a small room at the top of the stadium.

Save us all some grief already.

That way you’ll avoid ...

Umpires, players and managers behaving badly.

Umpires and players and managers, oh my!

Player and managers have long clashed with the men in blue. Earl Weaver loved kicking dirt on umps. George Brett wanted to literally kill one.

But it seems tensions have escalated.

Blame good ol’ technology for that one, too. All players and managers have to do is glance up at the JumboTron to see the error of the umpire’s ways.

There really is no solution, other than putting robots on the field as umps. Even then, Carlos Zambrano would probably attack one with a baseball bat.

All things Kordell Stewart.

I never liked “Slash” when he played. I dislike him even more now.

So imagine my surprise last week when Stewart announced his retirement.

He hadn’t played a down in the NFL since 2005. I already knew he was retired.

But, he wanted to officially hang it up in Black and Gold.

He should have retired as a New England Patriot or a Denver Bronco. He did more to win Super Bowls for those two organizations than he ever did for the Steelers.

Who’s next to “retire?” Mark Malone? Cliff Stoudt? Bubby Brister?

One more thing: stay off my lawn.

Mike Kilroy is a staff writer for the Butler Eagle.