Fearless predictions for NFL '08
The NFL season has arrived.
Yes, the real season, where games count and everything.
That can't come a moment too soon for Pittsburgh sports fans. The sooner the Pirates can be forgotten, the better.
What makes the NFL so darn great is anything can happen.
Just look at the Super Bowl last season. Not even Nostradamus could have predicted in his quatrains that the Giants were going to upset the undefeated Patriots.
So, as we forge ahead into the great unknown of the 2008 season, here are some fearless predictions:
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Week 1: Chad Javon Ocho Cinco will catch mucho passes for mucho yards for the Bengals against the Ravens before Ray Cinco Dos plants him into the turf.•
Week 2: Bill Belichick gets a new hoodie — with a mini camera hidden in the drawstring.•
Week 3: Tatum Bell finally returns Rudi Johnson's luggage.•
Week 4: Daunte Culpepper wants to come out of retirement to sign with the Colts and compete for the starting quarterback position.•
Week 5: Culpepper, miffed he could not compete for the starting role inIndianapolis, signs with the Cardinals — the Penn Street Cardinals of the Butler Area Midget Football league. He doesn't win the starting job.•
Week 6: During the Steelers bye week, running back Rashard Mendenhall fumbles only once.•
Week 7: Belichick still hasn't washed his hoodie, which begins to reek of self-absorbtion and pompousness.•
Week 8: Someone finally notices that the Bills are in fact members of the NFL. Huh? Who knew?•
Week 9: Adrian Peterson goes over 1,000 yards. No, not that Adrian Peterson, the one in Chicago.•
Week 10: The NFL announces it has reached its quota for players named Steve Smith and will no longer accept any player with that name in the league. Steve Smith changes his name to Ocho Nueve.If you don't like it, he'll punch you in the nose.•
Week 11: Eric Mangini and Belichick square off in the Octagon before the Pats-Jets game.Kimbo Slice plays left tackle for the Jets.•
Week 12: T.O. pulls a hammy racing Usain Bolt on pay per view.•
Week 13: John Madden nearly chokes to death on a turducken leg.The second patch of Madden 09 for the Xbox 360 and PS3 is finally released.Gamers still prefer Madden 93.•
Week 14: The Bears sign Usain Bolt. Their mission: to score every touchdown on special teams.•
Week 15: The New England Journal of Medicine publishes a story marveling at the fact that Donovan McNabb is still healthy this deep into the season.•
Week 16: Eli Manning shows emotion, prompting a 24-hour news blitz about it on the NFL Network.•
Week 17: Belichick finally washes his hoodie. The entire city of Buffalo rejoices.Mike Kilroy is a staff writer of the Butler Eagle.
