Interview with Vixen
Santa's team might prefer to correspond by letter.
But this reporter was able to get a call into the North Pole.
The purpose of that call: an interview with Santa's cleanup hitter.
VIXEN: This better be good. I'm on a deadline, you know.
SAMM: I totally understand that and can't tell you how much I appreciate ...
VIXEN: Dasher! I said to stay out of the sleigh!
SAMM: Is this a bad time to talk?
VIXEN: There's never a good time.
SAMM: Well, this will just take a moment. What I'm really after is ...
VIXEN: Blitzen! Quit your braying and get in line with Donner.
SAMM: I ...
VIXEN: Well, maybe if you didn't fly so badly, you wouldn't be in the back of the line! Sorry, Pam, what were you saying?
SAMM: It's Samm, actually, two Ms, and I really just wanted to know what it means to be Santa's No. 4.
VIXEN: Santa's No. 4? Who calls me Santa's No. 4?
SAMM: Er, well in the song ...
VIXEN: Oh, THAT. Because THAT'S a good source to use.
SAMM: Are you saying the song gets you guys out of order?
VIXEN: Of course it doesn't, because the line-up was leaked by a quarrelsome little elf on strike. But then that Clement Clarke Moore blasted our names into the world with his stupid Christmas poem and things got way out of hand.
SAMM: You mean the classic “'Twas the Night Before Christmas?”
VIXEN: That's the one. Dasher!
SAMM: So to be clear, you are actually the fourth reindeer in Santa's line-up.
VIXEN: Been hitched to Prancer for about 2,000 years.
SAMM: What's your official job title?
VIXEN: Reindeer.
SAMM: What I mean is, what's your position on the team?
VIXEN: Second back on the right.
SAMM (laughs): I guess I'm not asking this right. Is there one specific job that's yours? Something that you're in charge of or responsible for?
VIXEN: Oh sure. I'm the team motivator. Oi! Cupid, kick Blitzen one more time and you'll be on stall duty! I don't even want to hear it!
SAMM: Sounds like team motivator can be a tough job.
VIXEN: Not really. I practice Raja yoga, so I've really mastered my temper — CUPID!
SAMM: I can see how it's paying off. Switching subjects, let's discuss your name. What's the story behind 'Vixen?'
VIXEN: What's the story behind 'Cam?'
SAMM: What?
VIXEN: Your name? Why's your name Cam?
SAMM: It's not.
VIXEN: Oh right, it's Pam.
SAMM: It's not ...
VIXEN: Listen, Pam, I hate to do this to you, but Nick's just called a staff meeting and I have to fly.
SAMM: But ...
VIXEN: Say, do you think I can see a copy of your story before you run it?
SAMM: Actually, we don't ...
VIXEN: You're a peach, Pam. I mean, Sam. Cam! Oh, you know who you are. DASHER! I SWEAR, IF NICK FINDS EVEN SOME OF THAT WRAPPING PAPER NIBBLED YOU'LL BE THROWN OFF THE TEAM FOR GOOD!