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Interview with Vixen

Santa's team might prefer to correspond by letter.

But this reporter was able to get a call into the North Pole.

The purpose of that call: an interview with Santa's cleanup hitter.

VIXEN: This better be good. I'm on a deadline, you know.

SAMM: I totally understand that and can't tell you how much I appreciate ...

VIXEN: Dasher! I said to stay out of the sleigh!

SAMM: Is this a bad time to talk?

VIXEN: There's never a good time.

SAMM: Well, this will just take a moment. What I'm really after is ...

VIXEN: Blitzen! Quit your braying and get in line with Donner.

SAMM: I ...

VIXEN: Well, maybe if you didn't fly so badly, you wouldn't be in the back of the line! Sorry, Pam, what were you saying?

SAMM: It's Samm, actually, two Ms, and I really just wanted to know what it means to be Santa's No. 4.

VIXEN: Santa's No. 4? Who calls me Santa's No. 4?

SAMM: Er, well in the song ...

VIXEN: Oh, THAT. Because THAT'S a good source to use.

SAMM: Are you saying the song gets you guys out of order?

VIXEN: Of course it doesn't, because the line-up was leaked by a quarrelsome little elf on strike. But then that Clement Clarke Moore blasted our names into the world with his stupid Christmas poem and things got way out of hand.

SAMM: You mean the classic “'Twas the Night Before Christmas?”

VIXEN: That's the one. Dasher!

SAMM: So to be clear, you are actually the fourth reindeer in Santa's line-up.

VIXEN: Been hitched to Prancer for about 2,000 years.

SAMM: What's your official job title?

VIXEN: Reindeer.

SAMM: What I mean is, what's your position on the team?

VIXEN: Second back on the right.

SAMM (laughs): I guess I'm not asking this right. Is there one specific job that's yours? Something that you're in charge of or responsible for?

VIXEN: Oh sure. I'm the team motivator. Oi! Cupid, kick Blitzen one more time and you'll be on stall duty! I don't even want to hear it!

SAMM: Sounds like team motivator can be a tough job.

VIXEN: Not really. I practice Raja yoga, so I've really mastered my temper — CUPID!

SAMM: I can see how it's paying off. Switching subjects, let's discuss your name. What's the story behind 'Vixen?'

VIXEN: What's the story behind 'Cam?'

SAMM: What?

VIXEN: Your name? Why's your name Cam?

SAMM: It's not.

VIXEN: Oh right, it's Pam.

SAMM: It's not ...

VIXEN: Listen, Pam, I hate to do this to you, but Nick's just called a staff meeting and I have to fly.

SAMM: But ...

VIXEN: Say, do you think I can see a copy of your story before you run it?

SAMM: Actually, we don't ...

VIXEN: You're a peach, Pam. I mean, Sam. Cam! Oh, you know who you are. DASHER! I SWEAR, IF NICK FINDS EVEN SOME OF THAT WRAPPING PAPER NIBBLED YOU'LL BE THROWN OFF THE TEAM FOR GOOD!

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