Some find public speaking — even leading a holiday prayer — terrifying
For some, the hardest part of Thanksgiving is not reconciling Cousin Ben's nut allergies with Aunt Jane's fondness for walnut stuffing but having to lead a prayer, say grace or make a welcoming toast to start the meal.
According to a 2014 Chapman University survey of American fears, a dread of public speaking is America's biggest phobia — 25.3 percent of our countrymen say speaking in front of a crowd is their worst fear.
But stepping up to the Thanksgiving table doesn't have to be scary.
Dave Cooper, a Butler Senior High School history teacher, has been in charge of the school's mock trial team for four years and has some advice that applies as well to saying grace as it does to making an effective closing argument.
Cooper said, “First of all, it would depend on the room. In a courtroom without sound systems, you have to adjust your voice to the room.”
To project your heartfelt Thanksgiving speech of welcome, Cooper suggested, “If you think about your diaphragm when you speak and not just speaking with your voice but speaking with your gut you are going to project.”
Shawndra Holmberg, president of the Early Birds chapter of Toastmasters International, an organization dedicated to improving speaking skills, said, “Sit up straight. That will allow your diaphragm full motion.
“With your head up, basically speak to the farthest wall,” Holmberg said.
Holmberg added, before taking up your speech or prayer, go to a bathroom and strike what she called, “a power pose.”
“Put your hands on your hips, this increases testosterone and adrenaline,” she said. “When standing, put your feet hip-width apart. That's also a power pose.”
Also, nervous speakers have a tendency to rush their words, Cooper added.
“Make it nice and stately. If it sounds ridiculously slow to you, it's probably just about right,” said Cooper on leading a prayer or making a toast.
“Use hand gestures. Nobody really respects or is comfortable with someone who isn't moving their hands,” he said. But at the same time he noted, don't be wildly swinging arms about while making your remarks.
Vary the volume. Cooper said, “Sometimes you want to emphasize a point. Raise your voice.”
And it's important to make eye contact with each one gathered around the table. But beware of a fixed stare at anyone, he said.
“It's important to make eye contact, but too much makes people uncomfortable,” Cooper said.
Mary Zacherl of Saxonburg, vice president in charge of education for the Early Birds, said in making a welcoming speech remember “the Circle of Three.”“Your speech should have a beginning, middle and close,” said Zacherl.“You can do a two-minute speech,” Zacherl continued. “Pick one or two important points. Elaborate but stick to the points. In the end, wrap up with your beginning. Circle back to your beginning, so your speech doesn't just die out.”In preparing for your speech, prayer or toast, leave the note cards out of the dining room, Cooper suggested.“I prefer extemporaneous speaking. We teach our students to never rely on anything in their hands,” said Cooper.Instead, practice your speech several times in the days leading up to it.“You do have to practice ahead of time. Pick out the major points,” said Cooper. “Know what you are going to say.”“I would do an outline so I would note the order of the topics. Practice going through the outline, and it's OK to vary what you are going to say.”Practice makes perfect, he said. “My wife and I are lectors at our church and we practice a week ahead of time.”Holmberg said it's important to practice your words out loud.“They could be brilliant ideas, but until you actually hear them, you don't know if you sound right,” she said.Preparation is everything, Cooper said.Winging it isn't an option, he warned. Always prepare ahead of time.Pastor Kimberly van Driel, pastor of First English Lutheran Church, 241 N. Main St., had the advantage of taking a class in homiletics in Divinity School.“It's a fancy word for the discipline of preaching,” said van Driel.“The lessons stressed enunciation, presence, how to use your voice. We had to, as I recall, read 'The Cat in the Hat.' That was one of the initial exercises,” she said.“With a prayer at Thanksgiving, I coach people to simply not be afraid to talk to God, which is what prayer is,” she said.“Sometimes we worry what we sound like when what matters is giving a simple prayer of thanks for what we are grateful for. It doesn't have to be fancier than that,” van Driel said.“With speeches and toasts, I often think preparation can be very welcome,” she said. “I would say with those kind of things, especially with those folks who are nervous or worry they might say something wrong, it never hurts to write down what you want to say.”Van Driel added she has learned that often a speaker has to find the thing that works for him and lean into who they are.She said, “Some folks are good memorizers, some folks need note cards and to write down every word.Van Driel said find the strategy that works for you, but remember “what matters is you are welcoming people and the moment of grace is when you are inviting people to a time of prayer and reflection.”“Concentrate more on the message and less on the form, stay rooted to your purpose,” van Driel added.Van Driel noted for her being asked to lead a prayer or say grace before a meal is a common occurrence.“Usually people do look to me for that. It is one of the things that comes with being a pastor, I have learned,” she said.Van Driel said, “In my family there is a prayer that is usually said for all meals, a traditional Lutheran table blessing that can be adopted:'Come, Lord Jesus be our guest,and let these gifts to us be blessed.Blessed be God, who is our bread,May all the world be clothed and fed.'”
