Today is the greatest day of the NFL offseason: the first round of the NFL Selection Meeting, a.k.a. the NFL Draft.

It’s also a great day for mock draft crafters.

Here’s my attempt at channeling my inner Mel Kiper.

No. 1, Colts: QB Andrew Luck. The only way it is not Luck is if he falls down an elevator shaft.

No. 2, Redskins: QB Robert Griffin. See above.

No. 3, Vikings: CB Morris Claiborn. This pick proves Vikes brass would score worse on Wonderlic test than Claiborn.

No. 4, Browns: QB Ryan Tannehill. Browns love QB busts.

No. 5, Buccaneers: RB Trent Richardson. Hopefully LeGarrette Blount won’t punch him in the face.

No. 6, Rams: WR Justin Blackmon. Finally, What’s His Face is no longer the No. 1 receiver in St. Louis.

No. 7, Jaguars: Tim Tebow, er, OT Matt Kalil. The Jags only wish they could take Tebow.

No. 8, Dolphins: DE Melvin Ingram. Because he has to go to Miami. He has no choice.

No. 9, Panthers: LB Luke Kuechly. He has the name of a linebacker.

No. 10, Bills: A flop (or WR Michael Floyd). It doesn’t matter who they pick, he will be a bust. Being selected by Buffalo is like getting the cover of Madden. It’s a curse.

No. 11, Chiefs: G David DeCastro. Guards are so boring.

No. 12, Seahawks: DE Quinton Coples. Now I can name one Seattle defensive lineman.

No. 13, Cardinals: OT Riley Reiff.

No. 14, Cowboys: SS Mark Barron.

No. 15, Eagles: DT Fletcher Cox.

No. 16, Jets: DE Chandler Jones.

No. 17, Bengals: CB Dre Kirkpatrick. Another dude with a questionable character, or as the Bengals call it: a perfect pick!

No. 18, Chargers: OLB Courtney Upshaw.

No. 19, Bears: WR Kendall Wright. Another weapon for Jay Cutler to overthrow.

No. 20, Titans: DE Whitney Mercilus.

No. 21, Bengals: DE Courtney Upshaw.

No. 22, Browns: Does it matter? (OT Cordy Glenn). Sorry, Cordy, you are destined for failure.

No. 23, Lions: OT Jonathan Martin.

No. 24, Steelers: ILB Dont’a Hightower. The aging Steelers have a lot of needs to fill.

No. 25, Colts West (Broncos): DT Kendall Reyes.

No. 26, Texans: DT Dontari Poe.

No. 27, Patriots: Trade. Bill Belichick has never met a first-round pick he hasn’t wanted to trade. Should the Pats keep the pick, they will take SS Harrison Smith.

No. 28, Packers: OLB Shea McClellin.

No. 29, Ravens: WR Stephen Hill. Another weapon for the best quarterback in the NFL, Joe Flacco. (No, I did not finish typing that without a fit of out-of-control laughter).

No. 30, 49ers: TE Coby Fleener.

No. 31, Patriots: Trade (or C Peter Konz). Centers are even more boring than guards.

No. 32, Giants: RB Doug Martin.Mike Kilroy is a staff writer for the Butler Eagle.