About 52 percent of us will sit down today to make a list of New Year’s resolutions, stuff like losing weight, paying off debt and not hitting defenseless receivers.

Only about 12 percent of us will succeed.

New Year’s resolutions, like records, are made to be broken.

But we make them anyway.

Last year, I resolved not to take it so hard when the Buffalo Bills inevitably lose.

Fail.

One would think, with all the practice I’ve had over two-plus decades of bitter Bills losses, I would be better able to handle it. Wrong.

The Bills are the Pirates of the NFL.

I also resolved not to play fantasy football this season.

Success.

To my amazement, I don’t even miss it. I thought by Week 3, I would have cold sweats and the shakes, but I found this season much more enjoyable without it.

Here are some resolutions likely made (and likely broken) by some other figures:

•

Brett Favre: “I resolve to keep my cell phone, among other things, tucked away in my Wranglers.”•

Fox analyst and No. 1 Mike Vick basher Tucker Carlson: “I resolve to chilax — oh, and to lose the bow tie.”•

Cowboys owner Jerry Jones: “I resolve to quit being such a buttinski, right after I hire a new coach, sign and release a few dozen players, run the draft-day war room and hang out on the sideline at the end of all 16, oops, 18 games next season.”•

LeBron James: “I resolve to have a one-hour special on ESPN to announce my ‘decision’ on which NBA teams I want contracted.”•

Rex Ryan: “I resolve to quit (bleeping) swearing. Oh, (bleep).”•

Hank Steinbrenner: “I resolve not to get outbid on top free agents again. Contracts worth $30 million per season for everyone!”•

Terrelle Pryor: “I resolve to enter the NFL draft, after which I can trade with impunity my autograph for all sorts of neat tattoos.”•

James Harrison: “I resolve to tackle like a girl, or Cowboys corner Mike Jenkins, so I won’t get fined my entire salary.”•

Andrew Luck: “I resolve to stay at Stanford instead of entering the NFL Draft. The Cardinal is better than the Panthers.”•

The CFL: “Resolve to start that new ad campaign, ‘When the NFL is away, the CFL is at play.’”•

Roger Goodell: “I resolve to work on my methods of swift frontier justice during the lockout. Are bamboo shoots under the fingernails too harsh for helmet-to-helmet hits?”•

Tiger Woods: “I resolve to win a golf tournament —any golf tournament.”•

Randy Moss: “I resolve to score more touchdowns than teams I play for in 2011.”•

Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell: “New Year’s resolutions are for wussies.”Mike Kilroy is a staff writer for the Butler Eagle.