Imagine my surprise when an unexpected visitor suddenly woke me in the middle of the night.

The mysterious individual — rather ghoulish in appearance — stood at the foot of my bed, waiting for me to finish rubbing my eyes.

Rub them all you want. I’ll still be here.Who are you? And have you ever heard of breaking and entering?

Relax. I am the Ghost of Christmas Past. I mean you no harm.Hey, I’ve heard of you. But why visit my address?

I’ve listened in on numerous sports conversations at your workplace. They intrigue me ... a lot of whining going on, actually.Well, we’ve witnessed a lot of heartbreak around here.

Really? That’s why I’m here. Perhaps we can change some of that. I can change the past, if you’d like, but it will cost you. A little trading game, if you will.Talk to me.

OK, let’s start with Pitt. Everyone wants to see the football team get to the next level. We can hasten that climb if we eliminate those lean years under Johnny Majors when he returned to the program.So do it.

Problem is, if I eliminate Johnny Majors, he never existed. That means the 1976 national championship never happened.Oh ... never mind.

Maybe I can knock out a team for you. Name any sports franchise you want. I can make so it never existed.That’s easy. Get rid of the New York Islanders. They came back from three games down to knock out the Penguins in 1975. That stupid puck hopped over Randy Carlyle’s stick another year, they blew up Kevin Stevens’ career, David Volek cost us a third straight Cup, get them out of here!

So be it. But remember, no Islanders, no Bryan Trottier coming to the Penguins. And you never gave away your Game 7 ticket to your buddy in 1975. Pity. You scored big points with the big guy upstairs with that move.Hmmm. I need to score points with the big guy.

We all do.The Islanders can stay. But I don’t want Jack Lambert’s career to end early with turf toe. And we Pirate fans don’t need to put up with 18 straight losing seasons!

Fine. The 18 losing seasons don’t exist, but Jim Leyland never takes the Pirate job. Can’t have it both ways, you know.So do we win a championship during one of those 18 now non-losing seasons?

I don’t know. That becomes the future. Not my department. I’ll extend Lambert’s career, but you’re losing John Stallworth or Hines Ward earlier to a blown out knee. Take your pick.Now you’re getting rough. Let’s make this more personal. That 2-18 Little League team I played for? The one where we lost games 56-0, 40-4 and 36-0? Get rid of it!

OK, but that game-winning triple you hit for that team the next season? Doesn’t happen.But that’s one of my favorite childhood memories!

Take the bad with the good, my friend. It makes the good taste that much sweeter.Merry Christmas.John Enrietto is sports editor of the Butler Eagle