NEW YORK — With bullying, teen suicides and harassment of gay teenagers making headlines, parents may be wondering what role they can play in discouraging kids from tormenting others whom they perceive as different.

Homosexuality remains a controversial issue in some communities. But nobody wants to see their child victimized. And nobody wants their kid involved in an incident that might lead a peer to hurt himself or herself.

So what should parents do or say if a teenager tells them he or she is gay? Should parents ask about a child's sexual orientation if they're wondering?

How can adults create an environment that promotes tolerance and discourages bullying? And is there anything we can do to prevent teen suicides?

Here's some advice from experts.

• Consider the language, jokes and comments your child may be hearing at home or from others.

"One of the reasons kids are afraid to talk to parents is that they've heard parents say prejudicial things in the past. It's amazing the effect offhand comments can make," said John R. Cepek, national president of Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG).

"You can create a culture of prejudice in the family. Kids pick up on that."

"We all need to be vigilant about our language," agreed Michael LaSala, professor at the Rutgers University School of Social Work, whether it's outright slurs like "faggot" or phrases like "that's so gay."

• If you think your child might be gay, it's not necessarily wise to confront him or her. On the other hand, LaSala said, "you can create an environment where it's acceptable" so that kids don't feel the need to lie.

"They need to disclose when they are ready," said LaSala.

• It's not enough to raise kids who aren't bullies. Kids must be taught to speak up if they're being victimized or if they know someone else is being victimized.

"Sometimes kids think, 'There's nothing I can do,"' said Vanessa Gomez, a counselor who works with teens at Moreno Valley Community Learning Center, about 65 miles east of Los Angeles.

• Be aware that depression is the most common warning sign of suicidal behavior in adolescents, and that "bullying in the context of depression seems to place youth most at risk," Haas said.

Haas also said that suicidal behavior is often preceded by a change in mood or threats of self-harm.

"You might notice a change in behavior — a person used to be outgoing, now they're withdrawn, isolated," said Gomez. "Maybe a person is making statements that 'Life would be better off without me.' You'd be surprised how often students say, 'I'm going to kill myself."'