In three separate cities Tuesday night, professional baseball teams were getting crazy with champagne.

They had clinched the playoffs, after all. That's a big deal, apparently.

In St. Petersburg, Fla., the Rays were spraying the stuff on their heads, into their downhill ski goggles, onto unsuspecting reporters and, well, anywhere and everywhere.

No one noticed though because it was the Rays. No one goes to see the Rays.

The Tropicana Dome (perhaps a reason why no one goes to see the Rays) was half empty — or half full if you are an optimist, i.e., not a Pirates fan.

A half-full stadium actually is an improvement. Usually, it's only a quarter full.

We need more bubbly!

Meanwhile, north of the border in Toronto, the New York Yankees also wer celebrating by spraying each other with alcohol and generally acting stupid.

What exactly were the Yanks celebrating? Making the playoffs? They make the playoffs every year — 16 out of the last 17 to be exact.

The Yankees making the playoffs is a foregone conclusion as soon as they break spring training. Why not celebrate with champagne then?

And in Cincinnati, the bubbly was a flowin' as well.

At least the Reds had a reason to go bonkers over making the postseason. It hadn't happened since 1995. The champagne probably hadn't even aged that long.

Still, all three displays were ridiculous.

Then again, all celebrations in baseball have become ludicrous.

It's time to dial it down a few notches, don't you think?

Walkoff home runs have become an exercise in survival.

A player shouldn't have to take a concussion test after hitting a game-winning dinger.

His season certainly shouldn't come to an abrupt, Bill Gramatica-esque end.

Angels first baseman Kendry Morales lost most of his season to this preposterous ritual when he busted a leg during a home-plate mob scene.

Too bad. Had he not been taken to the hospital for X-rays, he could have gotten blasted in the face by a shaving cream pie in the postgame interview.

Beating the pine tar out of someone for winning the game isn't enough, it seems.

I would be kind of afraid to hit a game-winning, walkoff homer.

I would probably just lay down a bunt instead. No one hits you repeatedly on the head for doing that.

Teams and players should celebrate the big things, like actually winning the World Series.

Of course, all bets are off when it comes to the Pirates. Champagne should flow like the mighty Allegheny should they even post a winning record.

But everyone else should save the bubbly for something greater.