There were more Burmese monks walking through downtown Pittsburgh Thursday afternoon than there were fans in the stands at PNC Park.

Welcome to Pittsburgh Pirates baseball, circa late September 2009.

Protesters should forget all about slamming the G-20 and turn their ire toward the P-40 — as in the Pirates' 40-man roster.

For the first time in the history of PNC Park, the upper deck was closed, presumably to funnel fans closer to the field, not to prevent them from jumping after watching the Buccos lose their 23rd game in 26 tries.

This latest run of ineptitude is embarrassing even for an organization that hasn't had a winning season in 17 years. To put that in perspective, 17 years ago, Gerardo was a radio star, MTV still played video and The Jonas Brothers were The Jonas Embryos.

Never in that time has there been a pathetic run like this.

It's bad enough to make even the Burmese monks scream.

Still, there are a 11 games left. Surely, there must be some reason to care?

There must be something worthwhile in watching the Pirates play out the string, some nugget of entertainment beyond the occasional chuckle produced while watching Ryan Doumit try to field a bunt and make a throw to first.

Since I have been unable to convince the throngs of police outfitted in riot gear in downtown Pittsburgh to surround PNC Park and declare it a disaster area, as a public service I've created a list of some things to make the final 11 games bearable for fans:

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Andrew McCutchen. The dude is electrifying and a legitimate star. So, watch him every opportunity you can because he will be traded for a bunch of prospects in five years in the next phase of the never-ending rebuilding process. The turnpike construction will be done before the Pirates win.•

Garrett Jones. Enjoy his success this season because he is likely to be the team's next one-year wonder.He has Warren Morris and Chris Duffy written all over him.•

Darth Vader batting helmets. Perhaps a Pirates batter will wear the new Rawlings S-100 helmet designed to withstand a 100-mph fastball to the noggin.The helmets make the wearer look like Marvin the Martian, but it should be good for some laughs, particularly if Brian Bixler wears one.Plus, the black helmet will add to the effect.•

The Dodgers. Manny is coming to Pittsburgh to be Manny!Maybe he will cut off a throw from his center fielder, escape into the left-field bleachers to relieve himself or knock over Oliver Onion in a fit of Manny rage.You never know.•

Neil Walker, Brian Bixler, Steve Pearce. Can they finish the season with a higher batting average than pitcher Zach Duke?•

Potato Pete. The only member of the Pirates showing any fight (he did a flying tackle of Teddy Roosevelt). Perhaps Pete will hit cleanup in the season finale.Mike Kilroy is a staff writer for the Butler Eagle.