GROVE CITY — Before parents discipline their children, they should make one critical move.

"Put yourself inside the shoes of your children and see how they see the world," said Robert Brooks, a Harvard Medical School psychologist who Thursday spoke at Grove City High School.

Sponsored by the Midwestern Intermediate Unit IV, Brooks talked about self-esteem and resiliency, while exploring why some children seem to be born with a higher self-esteem than others. About 100 people attended the lecture at the Grove City High School auditorium.

Brooks used examples from his own experiences as a father and therapist while discussing the effects of family relationships on the development of a child.

"It's a real struggle to be a parent," Brooks said. "One of the most common comments I get from people is, 'I feel guilty now.' Guilt ways you down. It paralyzes people. I am much more interested in responsibility."

Brooks said one exercise he uses in therapy with parents includes asking them what words their children would use to describe them, along with what words they hoped they would use.

"Knowing how you come across to your kids is important so that you can change," Brooks said.

He went on to say one of the most basic and most important skills anyone can have is empathy, understanding another person's perspective in life. He also said while many people think grades can predict success in life, the ability to empathize with other people marks the sign of a true leader.

"The most effective leaders have a high emotional intelligence," Brooks said. "An empathic parent will always ask the golden rule."

Brooks said the true test of empathy comes for anyone when they are angry, upset or annoyed.

As he was traveling the country giving lectures to parents about how to motivate their children, Brooks' own son, Richard, was avoiding all of his work in school. Brooks said every time he came home, the first thing he would ask his son was if he did his homework.

"How would you feel if your kids looked at you and said, 'If you worked harder, we could live better,'" Brooks said. "I saw my own failures as a parent."

Brooks said he and Richard are close today.

While some children grow up in a stable environment, it does not guarantee a higher self-esteem. Brooks said children who have grown up in the toughest situations have said that they bounced back and grew a positive attitude because of a charismatic adult in their lives — "an adult from whom a child or adolescent gathers strength."

"Charismatic adults will never deny that a child has problems, but they never stop focusing on the beauty and strengths of their child," Brooks said.

Brooks called these strengths "islands of competence" that parents must recognize and honor to help build a child's self-esteem.

"Sometimes, we get blinded," Brooks said. "If we want kids to be resilient, we need to recognize their strengths. We need to accept our child for who they are, not who we want them to be."

Susan Black of the MIU IV, who organized the lecture, said the topic is important so parents and teachers can learn to empower children.

"I just think that with the pressure kids are under, being able to manage it is something we want them to do," Black said. "For us, we are hoping that this is a topic that will touch some families."