C.J. Mitchell learned early lessons of loss. But lessons of grieving came much later.

"My father died when I was 10," she recalled. "And I overheard my mother telling a cousin that she would have to put me into a mental hospital if I didn't quit crying."

From that day forward, she cried privately. But she couldn't suppress the tears when her 30-year-old son, Bill Coulter, died by suicide in September 1998.

"That's really a hard death because it's so stigmatized and it's so complex," said Mitchell, 61, of Franklin Township.

"I didn't know where to go. I didn't know where to go to find help with the grief. Often your support doesn't come from your family — because they're hurt, they don't want to see you hurt. When you cry, they cry."

Friends were even less helpful. Mitchell had changed. They couldn't relate.

Mitchell initially tried to suppress her grief with diversions like work and alcohol. Achieving little success, she eventually returned to her Bible.

"It took awhile, but finally I picked up my Bible and started at the beginning. It took me three years to study my way through it, and the comfort I found is not measurable," she said.

She clung to several verses, including 1 Peter 5:10, which promises God's restoration after a period of grieving. She also clung to James 4:9-10, which says "Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up."

After about two years, Mitchell said the promise was fulfilled. Allowing herself to "grieve, wail and mourn" eventually led to feelings of peace.

"I learned grief is hard work and the only way to live with grief is to embrace it and to go through it. I also learned beneficial grief work is not done alone," she said.

Mitchell learned this lesson initially, when deep depression rendered her unable even to seek out help. Her husband, Dale, helped her take the first step, initiating one-on-one counseling.

She then attended a nine-week support group sponsored by the Thompson-Miller Funeral Home. A short time later, she attended the Someone's Caring group for parents who have lost a child.

"When I learned of the Survivors of Suicide support group, I forced myself to attend that one too," she said.

"There, I bonded with many of the survivors and learned that my grief was not the greatest of all."

Although sharing hardships created a much-needed unity in the group, Mitchell said losing one member also led her family to redefine its value.

"I think when you lose someone — a child — family becomes more important," she said. "You realize the value of each person in your family."

Those people include her husband, Dale, and her son Tim, now 42.

"Bill is going to forever be 32," she said of her son, born 16 months after his older brother.

Although years have passed since her son's death, Mitchell continues to attend the Survivors of Suicide group, partly for her own comfort and partly to extend her hand to others.

She also co-facilitates the Parent-to-Parent group at VNA Hospice in Butler Township.

Her mission includes helping other parents find peace through experiencing their grief. Although grief can lead to peace, the evolutions never conclude.

"Bill's spirit will live in my heart forever," Mitchell said.

"He will always be my child no matter where he lives. I will never get over Bill's death, but I have gone through grief and mourning. It took a lot of help from others and a lot of work on my part to get through it.

"Anticipation of a holiday or anniversary without him is still an apprehensive time, but the day itself is another opportunity for the gift of memories to surface."