This is how desperate the Pittsburgh Pirates have become: They've allowed me to try to move shortstop Jack Wilson in a trade.

Why? Talks with the Los Angeles Dodgers have stalled. The Dodgers want the Pirates to pay a good chunk of Wilson's contact before they discuss some prospects — middling ones at that.

Wilson made $6.5 million last year, but missed half the season with injuries.

Then, the Detroit Tigers were very interested again for the third time in the past two years, but then they went out and signed Minnesota Twins castoff Adam Everett — Adam Everett! — to a one-year, $1 million deal.

So, now I've got to be the one to sell it. I've got to move the merchandise before the trail grows cold. You know the expression about being so good, I could sell snow to an Eskimo? I invented that.

OK, first things first. Call the Tigers and ridicule their signing of Everett.

"Everett played in just 48 games last year and batted .213. No, you heard me right. .213! In a potent lineup coming off a disastrous season, I guess you're in need of a weak hitter.

Did I mention Everett's a lifetime .246 hitter with a career on-base percentage of .298 and slugging percentage of .355? I thought you folks were looking to get better.

"And another thing. He's only had two seasons of 500-plus at-bats (2004 and 2005). In 2005, he had his best season: 11 home runs, 54 RBI, 21 steals and a whopping 136 hits.

The past two years? 114 games played for 347 at-bats. Everett, 31, hit .232, then .213 this past season. Good luck with that. I hope you're not planning to start him.

Wilson, who will be 31 on Dec. 29, is coming off injuries last year, but at least he's durable.

In his first six full seasons before this past year, Wilson averaged 557 at-bats, 153 hits, 52 RBI, 69 runs and a .274 average.

Yes, Wilson will cost you more and we can pick up a little of the tab, but you have a deep farm system. A player of Wilson's caliber in your lineup will thrive.

Remember, those statistics are with the Pittsburgh Pirates.

"Sure, Wilson does have more errors in his career (113 to 70), but hey, you have to play a lot to have more. Wilson's fielding percentage is .978 to Everett's .976 plus, Wilson has more assists (3,428- 1,960), putouts (1,510-948), total chances (5,051-2,978) and double plays (978-418).

With Boston's Julio Lugo (.268 average, 261 at-bats, 1 HR, 22 RBI, 27 R for a healthy $9.2 million last year) or the Chicago White Sox's Orlando Cabrera (8 HR, 57 RBI, comparable Wilson stats, but at a hefty $10 million last year), you could have had Wilson at a better price, we would have kicked in some money and all you had to do was give us a up-and-coming prospect. It's a win-win situation.

"You were interested at the 2007 trading deadline, then the '08 deadline, then now.

But no. So, enjoy Everett. All 50 games you might get this year. You'll be back. They always come back.

"If you'll excuse me, I have another call to make. Good day."

"Hello, Chicago White Sox? Hey, let me ... help you. I wouldn't do this for anyone, but boy, do I have a deal for you."

Sam Tallarico is a staff writer for the Butler Eagle.