In these tough economic times, even the National Football League is feeling the pinch.

How else can you explain the incessant fines handed out by Roger "The Enforcer" Goodell?

Every week we are treated to a list of NFL fines that are getting longer than the Detroit Lions' losing streak.

Some of the fines border on laughable.

Justin Tuck of the New York Giants was fined several weeks ago for what amounted to a textbook tackle.

The NFL and Goodell say they are doing this to keep the players safe.

That's not the real reason. The real reason is to protect the rather large investment the league has in its biggest asset: the stars of the game.

And padding the bottom line with $10,000 here, $15,000 there doesn't hurt, either.

But how much is too much? The league is already getting roasted by former players, coaches and pundits from across the land about the ridiculous fines.

The NFL should acknowledge that, yes, they have gone overboard. In fact, they should just take it a step further and fine everyone for something.

Here are some fines that should be levied:

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Ben Roethlisberger: $7,000 for color blindness detrimental to the team.•

Ray Lewis: $5,200 for intimidating, scary glares with the intention of making me soil my pants.•

Ocho Cinco: $8,500 just for being an idiot.•

Wade Phillips: 2 cents for imitating a head coach.•

Joey Porter: $55,000 for potential to do something worthy of a fine.Sooner or later, he'll do something finable. Just collect it all now and get it over with.•

John Madden: A turducken leg for senseless babbling and willfully stating the obvious.Yes, fine an announcer. Why not? The NFL would fine the dudes holding the parabolic microphones on the sidelines if it could.•

Brett Favre: $4,000 for reckless endangerment of a football.•

Chris Hovan: $95 for wearing shoulder pads 10 sizes too small.•

Bill Belichick: $50 gift card to Old Navy for failure to wash his hoodie.•

Patrick Willis: $8,200 for the intent to tackle.•

The ground: $1,000 for causing fumbles even though the rules say it can't.•

Drew Brees: $9,000 for excessive birthmark.•

Matt Hasselbeck: $8,000 for male pattern baldness and having a brother with a hotter wife.•

Chad Pennington: $10,000 for winning despite a popgun arm.•

Adrian Peterson: $28,000 for running with the intent to score.With just with these fines alone, the NFL would raise $143,995.02, a $50 gift card to Old Navy and a turducken leg.Not too shabby.Mike Kilroy is a staff writer for the Butler Eagle and is waiting to receive his fine for writing a column with the intent to be funny.