To Michael Jordan and the Charlotte Bobcats: Congratulations on your purchase of Larry Brown Head Coach 9.0.

There is a limited manufacturers warranty on Brown. Whoops. It just expired.

In Brown, you are getting one of the most experienced and successful NBA coaches in recent memory.

He has more than 1,200 wins with eight different NBA teams and he won a title in 2003-04 with the Detroit Pistons.

You can't get that kind of track record with the Mike D'Antoni model.

You certainly didn't get it with the Sam Vincent jalopy that was backfiring in your garage.

Here's some testimonials to make you feel better about your purchase:

n "He made me practice, even though I didn't want or have to" — Allen Iverson, Philadelphia 76ers guard.

• "We couldn't have won the NBA title without him ... and our defense ... and Rasheed Wallace." — Chauncey Billips, Detroit Pistons point guard.

• "His two interceptions off me in Super Bowl XXX ruined my career. ... What? Not that Larry Brown?" — Neil O'Donnell, former Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback.

• "Winning the bronze medal in Athens was a dream come true. Thanks, Larry." — Dwyane Wade.

• "Wait, he coached here?" — Danny Manning, L.A. Clippers forward in 1992-93.

Proper maintenance is important with every Head Coach, but more so with Larry Brown 9.0.

Brown is a very delicate and fine-tuned piece of coaching machinery.

If neglected, we cannot guarantee Brown will last longer than the one-to-two seasons he was built for.

Some tips to keep your Larry Brown 9.0 running smoothly:

• Tell him he's a nice coach. Tell him he's a pretty coach.

• When he berates his point guard, tell the media, "He's just doing his job as a motivator."

• When, two months into his tenure, he starts fielding job offers from other teams, just smile and deny the rumors.

• Don't trade for Stephon Marbury.

• If he ever says this is his "dream job" bring him back for a maintenance check immediately.

If you are not completely satisfied with Larry Brown 9.0, you can always buy out his contract for millions of dollars.

Of course, satisfaction is never guaranteed with any of our models.

Just like any field, we've had our Edsels. Isiah Thomas Head Coach 2.0, Isiah Thomas General Manager and Isiah Thomas CBA Owner were not as successful as we anticipated.

Boy, did we take a loss on those.

But the Larry Brown line is one of our signature products.

If he doesn't work out, may we suggest some of our other popular Head Coach models: DonNelson 6.0, Lenny Wilkens 7.0 or PatRiley 4.0, provided we can switch out the components that made him Pat Riley Scout 8.6 this season.

Caveat emptor.

Mike Kilroy is a staff writer for the Butler Eagle.