Hey, Neal Huntington, Barry Bonds is still out there.

Sure, he's pushing 44 years old — 88 in steroid years — but the dude can still draw walks and clog up the bases with the best of them.

He can still intimidate some pitchers in the National League Central. I hear Edinson Volquez is particularly skittish these days.

I know. I know. You stretched the budget as it is with those blockbuster signings of Elmer Dessens and Doug Mientkiewicz. But he's worth throwing some coin at.

Bonds is the all-time home run king, after all. He can still jack a few out of the park between sitting out day games after night games and taking scheduled "days off."

How cool would it be to bring the prodigal son home to the city where his career began. The last time he played for the Pirates, his waistline — and his head — was half the size as it is now.

Bonds will also be twice the attraction this time around.

People will show up to the ballpark in droves to see if this will be the game where one of his hammies explodes while roaming spacious left field at PNC Park.

Fans will stand from their seats to either cheer him or boo him — they will be loud and raucous either way. At least they won't be booing the team.

Nothing cushions the blow of another losing season like a circus-like distraction. Bonds can be your bearded lady! Bonds can be your wolf boy!

If you don't sign him, someone will.

The Tampa Bay Devil, er, Tampa Bay Rays already are sniffing around Camp Bonds. And why not? The Rays are the AmericanLeague version of the Pirates, with the exception of some legitimate home-grown talent on the roster.

There are other teams that might make a run at Bonds. Offer him a contract now before his price goes way up again.

At this point, he'd be happy with the league minimum and a team-appointed legal team.

Oh, and throw in one of those Pirate Parrot bobbleheads and he'll be yours.

Yeah. You're right. He is a risk. He could be trading in No. 25 for Prisoner No. 252525 pretty soon, but by then the Buccos will be out of the race anyway.

Yup. The public relations hit might be bigger than expected. But what is there to lose? The team isn't exactly viewed in the highest regard these days.

There is one thing fans despise more than dirty rotten cheatin' 'roiders: losing.

Perhaps he would be a positive influence on the young guys in the clubhouse.

Bonds can make Nate McLouth prep him for his perjury trial testimony. He might insist Nyjer Morgan edit his blog. He might tell Chris Duffy he can't touch the postgame buffet until he hits 756 more home runs, but eventually he'll warm up enough to his teammates to acknowledge their existence with a nod here and there.

What more do you want?

So, give Bonds a call. And hurry, before the WashingtonWild Things actually do sign him.

Mike Kilroy is a staff writer for the Butler Eagle.