I'm going to make a guarantee.

No one on the Steelers roster is ever going to make another guarantee as long as Mike "Cool Cat" Tomlin is wearing his shades in the locker room.

Guarantees are so cliche, anyway. They are so yesterday. They are so Joe Namath in a fur-lined coat.

Sure, Namath guaranteed a Super Bowl win for his Jets back in the stone ages. But even he couldn't guarantee himself a date withSuzy Kolber.

Really? Who makes guarantees anymore?

Well, AnthonySmith did. How did that work out?

Not so well.

It was like Lindsay Lohan coming out to guarantee an Oscar for her work in "I Know Who Killed Me."

If the Steelers had a backbone they would release Smith and his big mouth to send a message to the team and the rest of the league.

Guarantees will no longer be tolerated.

But teams don't go around cutting their starting free safety, even if he talks bigger than he plays.

The problem wasn't the guarantee, it was the subject of the prediction.

Smith could have picked an easier target for his first career guarantee.

How about predicting a win over the Dolphins before you go poking with a stick the surly, mad-at-the-world beast that is the Patriots?

How about predicting the sun will come up tomorrow? Or that the football will be oblong shaped and brown? Start slow, then build up to the big proclamation.

If New England didn't have a good enough reason to pound the Steelers into the FoxboroughFieldTurf, they got one when Smith got diarrhea of the mouth last week.

Smith has taken a lot of heat for his prognostication. But had the Steelers won, then he would have been lauded and seen as the second coming of Nostradamus.

People would be asking him for his quatrains.

He's not the only one to make bad guarantees, though. The sports landscape is littered with guarantees that just shouldn't have been made:

•

"The BCS will give us a clear national champion" by the dude who came up with the idea for the BCS. Yeah. That's working well.•

"I'm staying at Miami" by Former Dolphins and current soulless Alabama football coach Nick Saban. Coming soon: Les Miles guarantees he is staying at LSU.•

"The Dolphins will win the Super Bowl" by Sports Illustrated before the 2006 season. The Dolphins are 6-23 since that guarantee.•

"Ryan Leaf will be a better pro quarterback than Peyton Manning" by San Diego Chargers scouts. They are now guaranteeing the next order they take will be Super Sized.•

"Michael Vick will be cleared of these charges" by Billy Martin.He was right, if cleared of these charges means pleading guilty and getting 23 months in federal prison.•

"Braylon Edwards stinks. I guarantee he won't catch a TD pass all season. I'm cutting him" by me, after the Week 1 loss to the Steelers. My fantasy team is 7-7 and sitting home for the playoffs. I did an Anthony Smith.