Can you hear me now? Good.

Cell phones have changed our lives.

Need a score? Flip, slide or look at your cell phone funny and the Indians-Red Sox update pops up. It's almost like you are at the Jake.

Even ESPN has a phone. Booyah!

Our cars have become phone booths on wheels. When we feel our legs vibrate, we no longer fear neurological impairment, but immediately think someone just "texted" us.

I sat in the stands at a basketball game last winter and the student section was aglow in cell phone backlighting. I thought I was at a Whitesnake concert during a power ballad.

I also saw a girl text message her friend with the finger dexterity of Lt. Cmdr. Data.

Stenographers don't type that fast. There may be a new sports injury: text elbow.

Text messaging has sent the English language back 100 years.

Don't believe me?

I'm ABT2 ShO U. Sumwhr Merriam Webster is ROIHG.

Here are some text messages that may have popped up on some cell phones recently:

•

Text to George Steinbrenner from Joe Torre: CUL8ER. Can we still be BFF?Translation: We had 12 good years together. We laughed. We won 11 division titles and four championships. We cried. But I'm outta here. Keep in touch.•

Text to Kobe Bryant from Phil Jackson: SUP with the TUDE? Got Zen?Translation: You need to chill out, dude — in Chicago.•

Text to Manny Ramirez from Red Sox Nation: OMG! That's wicked retaaarded. YG2BK! That's MBM.Translation: Now we know why you never talk to the media. News flash, Manny: In Red Sox Nation, it IS the end of the world to lose in the playoffs. It's downright Armageddon to lose to the Tribe in the playoffs.That's Manny Being Manny.•

Text to Mike Holmgren from NBC: SRY our cam went MIA. Playcall? N1. J/K.Translation: Sorry we almost killed your quarterback with our Sputnik of a camera, then did a Belichick on your play card. Our bad.•

Text to J.P. Losman from Trent Edwards: Lost your job to a NOOB. LOL.Translation: Good thing I wasn't drafted by the Browns. I'd still be holding a clipboard.•

Text to Bill Belichick from Randy Moss. THX 4 getting me outta Oakland. XOXO.Translation: Man, I'd rather pick up garbage with the Penn State football team than play for anyone but the Patriots. I'm so happy I could hug and kiss you.•

Text to Eric Mangini from Laveranues Coles: Your O is putting me to ZZZ.Translation: There is the West Coast offense and then there is your offense: the no coast offense. Watching paint dry is more interesting. It doesn't take a Mangenius to realize this isn't working.•

Text message from me to you: THX for reading. B4N.Mike Kilroy is a staff writer for the Butler Eagle.