While growing up in Northeast Ohio, I learned three things very quickly.

No. 1: If you don't like the weather, wait a minute — it will change.

No. 2: Stay out of the snow belt in the winter.

No. 3: Cleveland sports teams will find horrible ways to lose.

It's happening again. The Cleveland Cadavers, er, Cavaliers are down 3-0 to the vastly superior San Antonio Spurs in the NBA Finals.

Was there really any doubt this would happen?

We're talking about Cleveland, after all.

The gods will smite that city for an eternity.

I have no idea what Cleveland did to tick off the gods.

The gods got so mad at that city, they set fire to the Cuyahoga river. Any city that has a river burst into flames has to know it has a serious curse on its head.

How can a city like that enjoy any kind of major sports championship?

It won't. The Cavs will lose. Oh, they may win tonight. They may win another game just to get Cleveland fans all giddy about a miraculous comeback. They may even force a Game 7 — then will lose when LeBron James scores on the wrong end of the floor or some other event that can only happen to Cleveland.

You see, it's all about the biggest tragic bang for the buck in Cleveland.

It's just the way it is in Cleveland. Remember "The Drive?" Remember "The Fumble?" Remember "Red Right 88?" Remember Alex Cole?

Cleveland does have LeBron James — for now, until he goes to the Brooklyn Nets in a few years.

LeBron James is good. LeBron James is amazing, but when he starts passing the ball off to Anderson "floppy hair" Varejao, then gets mugged as the referee swallows his whistle, you know that is the work of some pretty angry Gods.

Cleveland sports teams have been struck by so much tragedy, even Euripides would shake his Greek playwright head and mutter to himself, "I can't top that."

Cleveland hasn't won a major sports title since 1964. Sure, the Cleveland Force, the city's indoor soccer team, won three championships. But, really? Indoor soccer? Does that really count?

It's just a comic twist to the curse.

Cleveland does have a famous clinic. It has the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, but it also has the Browns.

The Indians flirted with two World Series championships in the 1990s, but were smacked down by the one Atlanta Braves team that didn't choke and a rent-a-team in Florida.

The Browns actually had Bill Belichick as their coach. But back then, he was the bad Belichick, the dumb Belichick, not the coaching genius he is now. He was the dude who cut icon Bernie Kosar, the chap who was as surly as Albert Belle and who the media hated.

Then the Browns moved, Belichick became Vince Lombardi and Cleveland is still searching for a silver lining in the dark cloud that has dogged it for 43 years.

Hey, at least no river has caught fire lately.

Mike Kilroy is a staff writer for the Butler Eagle.