I grabbed a can of Coke, a bowl of potato chips and sat down in front of the television, ready to cheer on my fantasy team.

But I wasn't rooting for Tom Brady to throw a touchdown pass. I was rooting for Bo Brady to throw a punch.

I wasn't screaming for Lee Evans to catch a long touchdown pass. I was yelling at Marlena Evans to catch a drink in the face.

I wasn't imploring Peyton Manning to go into the shotgun, I was begging for Blair and Todd Manning to get a shotgun pulled on them.

In what is surely a sign of an impending apocalypse, SoapNet has formed the Fantasy Soap League, or FSL for those in the know.

This further proves fantasy sports have gone too far — and that I, like millions of people all over the world, are at their mercy.

Instead of drafting, say, football or baseball players, or even basketball players, you draft soap characters and get points for some of the soapy things they do.

Note: I'm not making this up.Really, I'm not.

Something has to fill the void. Fantasy football is over. Fantasy baseball is months away.What good is watching the folks in Port Charles if I don't have something riding on it?

Your drafted soap character can earn fantasy points in a myriad of ways, such as crying, kissing, throwing punches or receiving punches, lapsing into a coma, coming out of a coma, murdering someone, coming back from the dead — all the typical soap stereotypical behaviors.

Oddly, you can't earn points for developing amnesia. Maybe the game creators forgot that one.

The point system makes LaDainian Tomlinsons out of "General Hospital" bad-boy Jason Morgan and "Passions" diva Fancy Crane. They both average around 40 points per day/game.

Take that, L.T.!

What of Erica Kane, perhaps the most famous soap character of all time, you ask? She won't do your fantasy team much good these days. She's the Brett Favre of the FSL — in her prime she was a fantasy stud, er, studette, but now she is merely a shell of her former self.

Erica hasn't divorced someone in years. She hasn't lapsed into coma in a decade. What gives?

Chips fly all over my living room floor in cheers when Morgan (Jason, not Quincy) has the fantasy day of his career when he gets shot, pulls a gun on someone and finds out he is the father of a baby all in the same day for 150 big points.

It's like Peyton Manning throwing six touchdown passes in one game. It doesn't happen very often.

Now if only Victor Newman would pick it up for me. Would it kill him to get in a car accident worth 50 points? Would it be too much trouble for him to hire a hitman to give me 50 more?

I can't take this any more. I think I'm going to play Fantasy Dr. Phil.