Years ago, I learned an important lesson from my daughter, one that I recall each holiday season.

Elly, now 16, had come home from her preschool program bearing a gift from St. Nicholas, pink and black markers tied in a bow that she had received at school.

"These are from St. Nick," she told me, clutching the markers in her chubby hand. Then she added, "They're a gift, not a present."

I paused, wondering: A gift? A present? What was the difference? And what had I been buying for the past several weeks?

"Why isn't it a present?" I asked her.

"I don't know, she replied. "Sister just said to call it a gift."

"Sister" was Sister Giuseppe of the Butler Montessori School, whose thoughtful approach to teaching young children assured me that the distinction she was making between the two words wasn't merely an offhanded comment. There was a difference she wanted to convey to her students — and others.

Although we use "gifts" and "presents" interchangeably and their dictionary definitions are similar, each word carries with it a slightly different meaning. The subtle differences deserve consideration, especially during the holidays.

The word "presents" is used more frequently when talking about the commercial aspects of buying and receiving gifts. We go to the store to buy presents. On Christmas morning, we wake to find presents under the tree.

We also use the word "presents" when referring to something given for specific occasions, like weddings or birthdays. With "presents," the giver seems more removed from the process of giving and receiving.

"Gifts," on the other hand, seem more personal. A gift is associated with the exchange that occurs between two people, as in "I received a gift from my husband." When the feeling of giving is involved, we usually refer to the item as a gift, not a present.

The word "gift" also is more connected with the spiritual side of Christmas. The Magi visiting Jesus after his birth brought gifts, not presents. When we want to make something special for a loved one, we call it a gift. Presents seem less personal; gifts come from the heart.

Linguists interested in the various shades of meaning found in a single word know that language shapes our perception of things. What we call something

is

important. Sister's insistence on calling the markers a gift reinforced the notion that that they were a gift given by her, not merely a possession the children had acquired.

That brief, long-ago conversation with my daughter taught me something about gift giving. Since then, I consciously refer to the things I give and receive as gifts, reinforcing the idea that there is an exchange between people.

Too often, the holidays are about finding presents under the Christmas tree. Gift giving seems secondary. It may be only a minor distinction, but one worth remembering.

Linda K. Schmitmeyer is a freelance writer living in Middlesex Township. Her e-mail address is lks260@aol.com.