The best holiday of the year is tomorrow - at least if you are a father, and I am!

Sure, Father's Day lacks the spirituality of Easter, the lights of Christmas and the family traditions that accompany Thanksgiving, but there is no better day to be a dad than tomorrow.

For one day only, I really do get to be king of the castle - not just in spirit, but in action, too.

As the king of the Ola Village, there will be new rules for the day. The rules will be in effect beginning at midnight Saturday and will not expire until midnight Sunday.

First, and foremost, is that there will be no shopping at any store other than convenience stores. Additionally, each time someone from the Ola Village goes to a convenience store, they will return with a scratch-off lottery ticket, a Diet Coke and a bag of honey mustard pretzels for their beloved king.

Next, there will be no discussions about work, house chores, mowing the lawn, etc. Instead, all topics of conversation shall include insight about Steelers football, the recent winning ways for the Pirates, golf, fantasy football and poker. If a member of the village would like to discuss something other than these topics, permission must be granted by the King.

There will also be no "trying on new clothes" this Sunday. The king does not like to try on clothes any time, but especially on a day dedicated to his fair rule over the kingdom. This includes any new tie or shirt given as a gift on this special day.

An extensive nap period will exist during the hours of noon through three o'clock for the king. This is the result of 364 long days spent working, mowing, chasing kids, giving airplane rides, inflating pools, deflating pools, cleaning diapers and driving kids to "big boy school" twice a week.

While the king has shown unusual power and stamina, even he needs to rest from time to time. Now is the time.

The television set shall remain free from cartoons such as The Wiggles, Maisy, Franklin and other assorted animated characters, especially Elmo.

Instead, the TV will remain fixed on ESPN or VH-1, depending upon the king's demands and needs at the time. These needs may also require switching to golf during naptime, as golf seems to make the King tired and bored.

The only movies that will grace the television screen will be "The Shawshank Redemption" and "Caddyshack." No other movie screams "Happy Father's Day" quite like the golf classic featuring Rodney Dangerfield and Chevy Chase.

Additionally, there will be no discussion about the Michael Jackson case. Do I really need to elaborate on this?

Finally, this Father's Day will include a feast fit for a king. More importantly, however, is that the King will do the cooking, which will include hours of grilling each type of meat known to mankind.

The only vegetables that will grace the table will be corn on the cob, baked potatoes and baked beans. Fruit will consist of fruit salad or fruity flavored ice cream like blueberry, strawberry or chocolate raspberry truffle.

My dear family, thanks for having me as your dad. It is an honor and a privilege to be your father.

Thank you also for honoring all of the above mentioned requests. While they are somewhat bizarre and unique, it's what makes me who I am. And besides, it's only 24 hours of this manly nonsense until your life returns to normal.