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Successful downsizing means less can be more

Cathy Questiaux, left, and Roxann Tyger will offer tips for paring down possessions when they present “Downsizing 101” at 6 p.m. Nov. 3 at the Butler Public Library.

It’s never too early to start downsizing.

That’s the advice Roxann Tyger, co-owner of Life Transitions, gives people. It can lessen the stress later on.

Cathy Questiaux, the life transitions counselor for Concordia Lutheran Ministries, also shares downsizing wisdom.

“The word I’d hear 99 percent of the time is ‘overwhelming.’ Some of them would get stuck before they even started,” said Questiaux. “This is an area of stress in their lives.”

Questiaux and Tyger will speak from their combined experience when they present “Downsizing 101” at 6 p.m. Nov. 3 at the Butler Public Library, 218 N. McKean St. They will talk about the process and methods of downsizing, suggest ways to dispose and organize belongings, explain how to recycle electronics and provide guidelines for keeping records and documents.

For presentations they have given in the past couple of months, people are showing up by the hundreds with an intense interest in the topic. More than half the participants have lived in their homes more than 40 years and some much longer.

“As they grow older, not only do physical activities become more difficult, even just handling lots of stress is more difficult,” Questiaux said.

“For most people, it’s the volume of things they have to look through. It could be a lifetime of accumulation,” said Tyger. “It’s that emotional attachment.”

Tyger has been working with the difficulties people face with their belongings, or because of them, since 1991. She works in several counties including Butler.

“Whatever people call home, they’re staying there longer,” Questiaux said.

With family members across the country, the older person may move to regain a sense of community. Being older, they need more help.

“The overwhelming part is thinking of this as one big project,” Questiaux said. “It’s physically and emotionally overwhelming.”

“Everyone can benefit. It’s safer to have an uncluttered home. If you do more of the downsizing, your family doesn’t have the full responsibility of that. That’s a gift to them,” Questiaux said.

Tyger said there’s no magic wand. Rather, trimming away the excess is a process that works better with a plan. Because the overall task of going through possessions is exhausting, Tyger advises writing down the plan including how long the different parts will take. Breaking the project into small chunks helps maintain momentum. Getting all of the necessary packing materials, garbage bags and storage bins ready before starting also helps.

“I also tell them to start small so they are downsizing from success,” Tyger said.

“Don’t try to think of downsizing as ‘I’m going to get this all done in one day.’ That’s when that overwhelming feeling comes in,” Questiaux said.

Tyger asks people to look at their needs versus wants.

“Is this something you need or something you want? When was the last time you used it? If you got rid of it today, could you live without it? That’s the way I approach it,” she said.

It helps to see where items will go in a new home. Tyger wants a home to be safe and allow mobility. Everything has to fit and items should be accessible. Over the years, as Questiaux has provided resources on downsizing and suggested people who can assist with the process, she discovered she also provided a ray of hope. The people she helped became more optimistic about being able to move and began to move forward.

“Before, they felt hopeless,” she said. “They just needed someone to come alongside them and help them.”

Especially difficult is separating things from the emotions about those things. “It’s just stuff when you take the feelings out of it,” Tyger said. “Kids want almost nothing or nothing. Either they already have too much stuff and they are trying to downsize, or it’s not something they need.”

For a collection, both experts suggested making a display of the treasures, taking a picture of the display and just saving a few favorites that are precious. Groups of photographs can be handled the same way.

“You can keep the memory but you’re getting rid of the actual item,” Tyger said.

One of the most common questions people have is how to dispose of items.

“People are really, really interested in how they can get money for their things,” Tyger said.

Someone who helps sell things live or online may require a minimum value or quantity and may sell on commission. She said selling things through online auctions requires the time to screen buyers and answer their questions. Tyger said online auction and sales sites typically handle smaller items that can ship easily. Local selling resources, such as classified advertising or websites for the local area, work better for larger items and antiques.

“We think in terms of monetary paybacks but there can be an emotional payback for someone else to use it,” Questiaux said. “There’s that feeling of satisfaction of helping someone else.”

When momentum lags, Tyger said that is a good time to find another person to help. Another person can continue to push the process forward.

“Prepare yourself for ‘rabbit trails.’ Allow yourself to accept that you will get distracted as you start to go through the things that have memories. Allow yourself time for that, to go down memory lane,” Questiaux said. “Memories become more and more important to us as we get older. Enjoy that you have them. That’s part of you.”

Questiaux and colleagues at Concordia recently surveyed residents on the topic. She said, “They are all experts, they’ve all done it.” They were like cheerleaders whose cheer was, “Just go into it with a positive attitude and look at it as something as a joy to care for and not a labor of keeping the past.”

Tyger likes the proverb, “Happiness is a place between too little and too much.” She said, “For each person that happy place is different.”

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