How can she make her mother give up the keys?
STRATFORD, N.J. — Dolores Munson, 85, got tired last winter of waiting behind a police car that had made a traffic stop about a mile from her home. She swerved into the next lane to pass, but couldn't help looking to see who had gotten in trouble. “I was nosy,” the Stratford, N.J., woman said. Distracted, Munson slammed into the front of the police car hard enough to break an axle on her white VW Passat. The cruiser was unharmed.
This might be good news, Joan Smeraski thought when she got the call from her mother's Jitterbug. Maybe the police would make her mother stop driving. Smeraski had been trying for months to take the keys away, but her mother wanted the freedom that only your own car can give.
Smeraski's hopes were dashed. The police didn't even ticket Munson. Her insurance company was also understanding and helpful. So was the body shop. Smeraski asked her mother's doctor to write a note telling Munson, who has “mild to moderate cognitive decline,” not to drive. She put it on her mother's refrigerator.
Munson is still driving.
“If you live to be my age, you will see,” she said in June as she sat in her favorite chair, the one with a view of the gloriously green backyard she won't leave to live closer to Smeraski. “You're in the house all the time. You sit in a chair and sometimes you wonder why you're living. You can't do anything. You can't go anywhere.”
“Sometimes you need a change of scenery.”
Smeraski and her brother and sister wondered if they might be liable if their mother hurt someone. They talked about going above their mother's head to the New Jersey Motor Vehicle Commission but haven't been able to take that step.
Thousands of families are all too familiar with scenarios like this, which will grow more common as car-loving baby boomers reach old age. Especially for people who live in suburban and rural areas, driving is not only a psychological marker of independence, but also a skill that allows seniors to stay in their homes and avoid asking for — or paying for — help. Feeling trapped in a house is depressing for people of any age, and it can make health problems worse. Adult children don't want to make their parents miserable, but they also fear accidents. Figuring out when — and how — to stop an elder from driving is one of the toughest challenges families face, and it's made even tougher by the fact that they often don't get much support.
Deciding what to do about older drivers who are faltering is touchy for everybody. People age differently, which makes it challenging for lawmakers and insurers to create effective rules. Police have less power than you'd think. Families are likely to find their most powerful allies in doctors and driving evaluators who are trained to test older or disabled drivers.
State laws vary widely. Regular vision tests and a requirement that drivers renew licenses in person seem best at reducing fatal accidents, but only for the oldest drivers. Experts say many older drivers decide on their own to stop night and highway driving when they have trouble with vision or response times.
Despite a growing senior population, fatality rates for older drivers have dropped in recent years, likely because cars are safer and seniors are in better health. Almost 6,000 drivers 70 and older died in traffic accidents in 1997 compared with 4,300 in 2015, said Jessica Cicchino, vice president of research for the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety. Seniors still have higher rates of fatal accidents than most other age groups.
