There is no prep course for being the parent of a college applicant. Most of us feel like we’re out there, hanging on, with a frame of reference that is about 30 years old. The bad news is, most of our kids know that. So here is my list of the most valuable tips to make this college admissions process as positive and productive as possible.

Maintain perspective. This is a time to take advantage of our age and wisdom! This is a big decision, but it is not life and death, and it is not irrevocable. Don’t make a bigger deal about it than need be. Students often are more resilient than they give themselves credit for — and more resilient than adults give them credit for. There are likely to be bumps in the road, but the challenging moments are opportunities for growth. A student who makes a good choice for the right reasons will be a happier student.

Assess your child’s needs. Some students get stressed beyond reason and need reassurance, and some need a nudge (or perhaps a kick) to get motivated. Some fear disappointing the people who love them the most — you, their parents. And some need to know and accept that attending a less prestigious school doesn’t diminish them or inhibit what they can do for the rest of their lives. Some need time and space to explore.

Communicate and support. Make yourself available to talk about the college admissions process when it’s right for them. Try to be a balanced sounding board. Don’t nag. The process can be overwhelming with so many deadlines (testing, applications, letters of recommendation, transcripts, scholarships, etc.), but they need to understand the consequences of their actions and their inaction.

Don’t live through your child. While we all want the best for our kids, it is not healthy to relive our own dreams through our children. Many students see college as their opportunity to create their own path, not follow in the footsteps of their parents.