It’s as much a part of the Thanksgiving menu as the turkey and the stuffing; extended families gathering together for a meal and a round of annual bickering.

Whether it’s an uncle ready to argue over the direction the country is taking or a cousin with a strictly vegan diet, frustration and resentments also can take a seat around the Thanksgiving table.

To keep the tears out of the cranberry sauce this year, family counselors and psychologists have some advice.

This is the real world and not a Hallmark movie, advised Donna Korczyk, a Cranberry Township psychologist.

“I think the best thing is not to have unrealistic expectations about the holiday,” Korczyk said.

“I think it is kind of promoted as a time of family and togetherness, and everybody wants that for themselves,” Korczyk said.

But there’s nothing magic about the holiday itself, she warned.

“If your family has a history of not getting along, that’s not going to change because it’s the holiday. People are still the same on Thanksgiving as they were the day before Thanksgiving,” she said.

Ryan Cucunato, a family therapist with Family Pathways, 100 Brugh Ave., said that could be a good thing.

“The big thing is that we all know our families really well. If you are having a conversation with a relative who’s too drunk or too political, remind yourself to stay quiet and stay friendly,” said Cucunato.

“The first thing is to remind yourself that this time is limited,” said Susan Drolet, a psychologist with Butler Wellness Support Services, 349 N. McKean St. “We can do anything for a short period of time.”

If you are hosting, Drolet said, limit the alcoholic options.

“Don’t even put the whiskey out. Limit it to beer and wine,” she said.

Try to create a positive atmosphere and minimize conflict, she advised.

Drolet said, “We will have a white-elephant sale or a talent show. You can put out nametags so the really crazy people don’t sit by each other, or maybe they do.”

And she added, “If people want to sit by the fire and watch football, let them. Let people do what they want to do. Just let people be. There’s probably going to be one or two who want to sit by themselves.”

If you are the guest traveling to grandma’s house, establish a positive atmosphere, agreed Cucunato.

“The most important component is to make it as positive a time as you can before going,” he said. “If you are stressed out before going to mom’s house, everyone’s going to be stressed out.”

Before piling in the car, Cucunato said, “Do something fun together. Put everybody in a good mood along the way.”

A little preparation beforehand could help keep the gathering on an even keel, suggested Korczyk.

“It would be important to think ahead of time what are the buttons that are going to be pushed,” she said.

If your sister’s going to bring up that incident from high school yet again, Korczyk said, “You can kind of rehearse in you mind how you want to react. You can count on the fact that this person is going to push your buttons again. Do you like the way you typically respond?”

You don’t want to automatically bristle when Aunt Viv brings up your uncertain job status ... again, Korczyk added.

“We don’t usually do well doing new things without practice. When you are in an anxiety-producing situation, you revert to things you’ve always done. It’s easy. Doing something new takes time and effort,” she said.

And remember, said Drolet, what holiday it is.

“A lot of families will talk about what to be thankful for, that sets the tone a little bit. In the Thanksgiving prayer be thankful for differences in the family.”

And the host always has the ultimate option.

Drolet said, “I think the person who has it sets the tone, don’t feel you have to invite anybody you don’t want to invite.”

Maybe invite a different set of dinner guests.

Drolet said, “Thanksgiving is a really cool time to invite friends who have nowhere to go. I think that dilutes the family dynamics difficulties.”

And if you are the guest, said Cucunato, “it’s OK to have an escape plan.”

If the situation becomes too emotional or too crazy, gather your family together and just leave, Cucunato advised.

And be aware of what’s going on the table as well as what’s going on around it, advised Wendy Stuhldreher, a Slippery Rock University professor emerita and a registered dietitian nutritionist.

“I would say in general, ‘Step away from the buffet,’ but that’s also a great line for a family at the dining room table,” Stuhldreher said.

“I would say try not to go back for seconds. Linger over conversations, not food,” said Stuhldreher.

Try to take an “attitude of gratitude,” she added, “especially in light of what just happened in France, we are going to go criticize the in-laws?”

The Thanksgiving food can help create a calming atmosphere, she added.

“Use your vegetables to bring the season’s colors to the table: the greens, the oranges, the reds,” Stuhldreher said.

“Beets are known as a vasodilator that opens the blood vessels and produces calm,” she said. “And green beans contain magnesium which also has a calming effect.”

Calming green beans aside, probably the best thing to keep in mind is to maintain realistic expectations, said Korczyk.

“If you don’t normally get along, you are not going to get along on Thanksgiving,” she said. “I think it is normal to want the Hallmark family.”

“Just kind of be aware of that when you are taking to people. If you think you are going to be able to confront someone and they are going to hear it, that’s not going to happen,” Korczyk said.

“Don’t look to Thanksgiving itself to bring about any changes in family dynamics. We’re kind of kind of conditioned to expect one moment of confrontation that transforms everybody and they become the family that everyone wanted,” she said. “Changing family dynamics takes time and effort and it’s unlikely to happen in just one day.”

That means you will likely be confronted with pretty much the same cast of characters come Thanksgiving 2016.