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Child sex-assault victim's anonymity hides anguish

Today we take a departure from standard editorials which, by their very nature, pass judgment on individuals, officials and organizations whose actions affect our community.

Sometimes it’s better to withhold judgment when we don’t have all the facts — specifically when the evidence we see doesn’t tell the entire truth.

A case in point: last week’s front-page report of a convicted child rapist being sentenced to serve a minimum 12 years in prison. He’s been judged, and rightly so. But what about the lives he’s wrecked along the way? Have we also unknowingly judged the victims?

The victim in this case was 5 years old when her mother’s live-in boyfriend first assaulted her — and continued assaulting her for seven years. She’s 15 now, and while the court knows her identity, she walks anonymously among us.

How often has this unfortunate child been judged for her quirky attitude, poor academic performance, chronic shyness, lying, and even bouts of self-injury?

In a victim impact statement which the girl read aloud in court in front of her assailant, the victim said she’s the one who is serving what amounts to a life sentence.

“It has mentally destroyed me in every way possible,” she said. “Was that the goal? Thinking about this gives me extreme anxiety. I can’t ever shut my brain off, and it’s a constant thought of mine. I just really want to know why.”

The girl said she has contemplated suicide.

“All I wanted to do was die, I was so done with living life,” she said. “I was so done with living life. My head literally felt like a black hole.”

Her suicide attempt was thwarted by a counselor who sent her to Western Psychiatric for help three days before she planned to kill herself.

She said she still suffers depression and post traumatic stress syndrome and occasionally still thinks about ending her life. “I’m 15 and terrified of men,” she told Butler County Judge William Shaffer.

In her statement, the girl says she’ll never get back the childhood her assailant stole from her. At age 15, she said, she should be “worrying about stupid things” like crushes on boys and hanging out with friends. Instead, she suffers constant emotional anguish. Her mind races back and forth between flashbacks and periods of emotional numbness that can last for hours. She takes anti-anxiety medication and sees a therapist every week “just to feel a little normal.”

Nightmares and flashbacks haunt her sleep almost every night.

The anxiety and depression take a toll, she said. As a sophomore in high school, she’s aware of the need for good grades and commits to work hard, but she can’t keep herself motivated — and her grades show it. She dreams of attending Penn State University, but realizes her grades won’t qualify. All she wants to do is sleep. She can’t keep friends, especially male friends. Even relatives she keeps at a distance, irrationally fearing their touch.

Who could judge such an unfortunate child whose innocence was stolen? Perhaps we’ll never know. Her testimony offers a glimpse into the torment suffered by victims of pedophilia and other sex crimes and should evoke empathy for every struggling child whose full story we’ll never know.

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